Poetry Pack 5

Welcome back, forum! All creativity in most directions has been completely stifled by this empty and "bleh" inducing void that is my life right now. I haven't been able to get into most forms of writing, but one aspect that's stayed consistent is my poetry. Maybe because I can always, at the very least, squeeze some short bursts of entertainment juice out of my rotting lemon of a brain. If that's the case, I'm still in need of a means to charge the old lemon battery up there. Man, these would be so much more fun to read out loud somewhere. I guess we can pretend that it's less impersonal on here. I think that's what I miss most about old pre-pandemic life; Being around other creatives and bringing the best out of one another. If anyone wants to post some of their stuff on here sometime, let me know! I'd be happy to do it. Okay, with introductions out of the way, I present you with a good mix of funny and/or serious poetry that I've written recently.

Five Second Rule

A toppled golden-brown monolith

Crashing down like debris

The microbials are so courteous

Very polite to wait their turn

Velvet ropes queued

Red carpets unraveled

Always butter side down

Always

The crowd eagerly awaits admission

But Jeff does not listen

He jumps the barricade

He starts making angels

On the rugged crumbs

Jeff will be punished to the

Full extent of the law

Cuffed, put in the back of a car

And given one phone call

That’s not the way we do things

Says the judge of the trial

Jeff argues that it’s all a façade

They string him up from the courthouse façade

An example was made that day

Will he get the chair? Who knows? He may

Call it unjust. Call it cruel

That’s what happens to a germ

that doesn’t follow

The five second rule

WARNING

Ideas

unsafe

To eat

Unless

Baked

properly at

350 degrees

for ten minutes

Anti-masker Anthem

I am at service of NOBODY

Except God

AND the United States military

should they call upon my services in a desperate time...

AND my job

I’m really the only one there that knows how to operate the forklift...

AND my doctor

She told me to include less sodium in my diet...

AND that lady from the AT&T call center yesterday

She needed me to do a customer experience survey for her so I figured that would be helpful especially if she works off of commission or something...

AND my dog, Rufus

He's got a case of Haemorrhagic Gastroenteritis so I need to be very attentive to whatever he needs to recover because I truly care for his wellbeing...

AND the IRS

I ain't getting in trouble with those guys again. I can't go back to prison, man...

But that's it! No one else. Let freedom ring!

Don't you know

Before the back of my button up shirt

collar turned yellow and brown

And I was willing to get up in the dirt

And give a big fat kiss

To the boots on the ground

With no hesitance

And high tolerance

Before I came unwound

Don’t you know

You can get real sick

with just one lick

From those same boots on the ground

It changes your consciousness

You’ll believe everything is a trick

Your eyes begin to dart all around

You start to imagine your hearse

Driving downtown

But I’ll tell you what’s worse

When it all clicks and you realize your worth

In search of opulence

If you don’t get with it quick

You’ll have already drowned

There are too many

Enticingly tall buildings in metropolis

I went from being on top of it

To crock of shit

In a matter of pounds

Don’t you know

My self destruction is inbound

Last Ditch

Scrape the wall with my hands

Rip the skin on my palms

Spit erosion

Buying time to dissolve

Stunt me and I grow back twice as fast

I'll welcome it all right back

Let’s start off from scratch

I get my plaques regardless of path

And I don’t need some self-righteous hack

Who's got half of what I have

Telling me half a fact

And you don’t even know the half of that.